Museum: source of insanity for Gods
by IReadNoNonsense
Summary: The Gods had never seen what mortals do when they're bored. They knew that they made statues and paintings but never bothered to look. Too bad Hermes is about to find out what exactly the mortals made. And be permanently scarred forever. Humor and Crack


**Just a little I'm-pretty-uber-nervous-for-my-test-so-I-made-a-oneshot oneshot.**

**Just...just... haha this idea striked me when me and my best friend were looking at Hermes pictures...and accidentally wound up with that picture and then me and my friend just 'you know? what if...' yeah you get the idea.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians in any way. The plot is owned by me and my best friend Miyuki.

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It started as a normal day.

The sun shining ever so brightly since Apollo was in the mood to drive around slowly. No clouds covered the sky making the light glint off every skyscraper's window.

Yep, it was a wonderfully normal and bright day so Hermes, being as restless as he is, even in his one-week-every-year break decided to walk around town. Wearing jeans and a brown shirt embedded with his sign. What some of the mortal kids dubbed as 'stick with wings and snakes!' thing.

It was such a normal bright sunny day that he... got bored very fast.

He glanced at the shops nearby, none of them had anything he wanted. He watched as a female teenager had her phone out on plain sight. Namely the phone was sticking out of her pocket on pure daylight.

Perfect.

He stopped and pretended to look at an oh so very interesting watch that was displayed in front of a store. But when the girl was close enough he casually took the phone from her pocket holding it up as if he had only taken it from his own pocket.

Rolling his eyes at the young mortal girl for not noticing he began walking again and flipped open the phone scanning the messages for anything interesting.

That's when he noticed it. A friend of hers. Which she had kindly nicknamed 'Geeky Gal' had texted her about... the new museum. Curious he scrolled down.

_You should really come! The Gods were so interesting! Rachel would have a nosebleed if she saw these! But really, go to da' museum every now and den or youll miss the greek god expedition._

He shrugged.

Might as well see what the mortals had offered to him and his fellow Gods. Slipping the phone in his pocket he walked to the direction of the museum.

He had never seen what was in those museums, he, being a very busy man either from pranking random Gods and or Goddesses or just delivering messages. But hey that was life. He was curious though, what _did _those mortals do for them?

He payed the cab, and for the first time wondered why he didn't just fly there, shrugging again he entered.

It was a typical Ancient Greek scene, the entrance decorated with giant fake pillars (How mortals managed to make them almost as accurately as those on Mt. Olympus he'll never know) and vases of old and new.

He payed the entrance and walked inside, hands stuffed in his pockets.

He passed by some vases that looked like they had been polished spotless, the designs were simple, but it got more detailed the further he went. Scenes from different time zones were painted on each and every vase.

...Hercules fighting some creature he had not bothered to name.

...The older Gods being eaten by Kronos.

And various of other scenes that he already knew of.

When finally he reached the end of the hallway. There was a door blocking his way, on the sign read 'Dated back when all the myths were created. For 16 year olds and above only'.

He went inside.

It was all... normal enough. Paintings of different scenes, Gods and Goddesses. That was until he saw all the statues.

The first one he noticed was himself, But not really him since his chin certainly did _not _look that fat. His position was that of him holding his staff and wearing his flying cap and old styled sandals... only he was nude. Naked.

His eyes widened until they were the size of baseballs. _'What were those mortals doing? What were they even thinking? Holy Zeus...' _

Shaking his head he sighed exasperatedly. "Damn mortals..." He muttered before looking up again.

_That's_ when he noticed what was really inside. Statues and statues of all the Gods and Goddesses he ever knew... and most of them were _naked._ He stepped back very very slowly until his back was stopped by something. Turning around even more slowly...and instantly regretted it afterwards.

It was a painting. One really really old painting of Zeus and Hera, both half naked in a very disturbing position. He looked around wildly, each glance he took something disturbing processed in his brain.

...Poseidon and that Goddess of the sea...

...Zeus and Maia...

... Zeus and another woman...

...Poseidon and Medusa making out in Athena's place...

Oh the horrible images permanently etched unto his brain.

He pulled his brown hair, willing the images to go away. _Oh holy shit, I've just seen all my friends and family...shit shit shit shit. I knew switching the Fates's 'How to knit the mattress of death' with a 'How to knit a sock of death' was a bad idea. shit shit shit shit shit...  
_

Finally he couldn't think anymore.

Eyes rolled backwards before going everything going black.

He was scarred for the rest of his immortal life.

..

.

.

For the past weeks in Olympus, whenever Hermes would see a God or a Goddess talking to another of an opposite gender, much to the confusion of everyone, would stop stare and quite suddenly try to bawl his eyes out screaming 'THE IMAGES! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!'

He had even stayed clear of Zeus and Hera because every time he would look at them he would go wide-eyed and scream something about mental scarring before going to his house on the top of Olympus hiding under his mattress.

Suffix to say, Hermes never ever went to another museum again. Nor did he talk about what he saw, many minor Gods, curious as to why he would act like that had visited and came back wide-eyed and pretty much in the same condition as Hermes.

Nobody wanted to talk about it afterwards.

..

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**yeah it's weird and...well... haha...**

**Sorry I'm just dealing with some Before test stress so I need something to get it off my nerves.**

**And don't worry about my other story, I won't abandon it or anything, I've already finished 3/4 of the next chapter and would probably post it next week.**

**ANyway, toodles! And wish me luck!  
Oh and review if you feel like it!  
**


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